Autistic children & Gender Identities

Although there is an increasing awareness that the majority of children and young people adopting a 'gender identity' or identifying as either the opposite or no sex are either Gay or Lesbian, there is still a lack of curiosity about the fact that 76% of them are adolescent girls and a significant proportion are autistic (35% of referrees to the Tavistock & Portman Gender Identity Development Service are autistic and a further 13% have autistic traits). The remaining 24% are boys, with the same proportion (approximately 48%) either autistic or with traits.  

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If any other area of paediatric medicine had such a significant and statistically anomalous cohort of referees, there would already have been applications from clinicians, PhD students and other researchers to investigate why. It would be seen as a necessary and prestigious area of research and would be widely discussed in the mainstream media.

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However, in the case of the comparatively large number of autistic children identifying away from their natal sex, there is little to no interest. It is only since the publication of the Cass Report that there have been any clear plans to carry out any longtitudinal research into the affects of treating children and adolescents with Puberty Blockers and Cross Sex hormones.* Despite this, and although there is a body of research that notes that there is a crossover with gender identity and autism, there is still no research that investigate why.

 

​(* This planned research is problematic, given that we are already aware of many of the negative effects on growing adolescent bodies of taking puberty blockers. These include the prevention of bone growth and brain development, osteoporosis and heart problems, as well as the risk of infertility and anorgasmia if started at Tanner Stage 2. It is unethical to expose a select cohort of children to these very real risks in order to make up for a lack of long term research).

 

For an in-depth look at the links between autism and gender identity, please see the report by us for Transgender Trend which is linked to in the menu under the heading Autism & Gender Identity. In the meantime, below we touch upon some of the most common reasons we believe an autistic child may be attracted to adopting a so-called 'gender identity' or identifying as Transgender. 

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We urge those already well established within the autistic research community to take this issue seriously, as we believe, in line with the voices of many autistic detransitioners, that autistic chlldren and young people are being irreversibly harmed in the process of developing their sense of self.​

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Communication and a desire to belong

A combination of social communication differences and difficulties with friendships, can lead to feelings of profound loneliness and isolation. It can be hard for autistic children to find and form relationships with other children where they are accepted uncritically for themselves and they often experience misunderstanding and at worst, rejection and bullying by not only other children but also adults both inside and outside education settings.

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The LGBTQIA+ community, particularly where it exists online, offers instant acceptance, with no questions asked. The promise of belonging to a wide and far reaching 'rainbow' family, where no-one questions your identity or decision making, is intoxicating and alluring. For children who find it difficult to find a place they feel is theirs, a place to belong is exactly what they want. In addition, the levels of love bombing that they receive online from the community will be incredibly hard for them to resist; this may be exacerbated by them not understanding that what they are experiencing is a known manipulation technique.

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In online spaces, they can curate their own personalities, taking time to formulate just the right answer to online questions, and having the space to think about what they want to say with all the pressure of face to face encounters and communication barriers removed. 

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Trust

Any bonds that they form with strangers online will be accompanied by a desire to please, which means it is likely that they will agree and go along with whatever they are told. A lack of ability to recognise when people are lying will mean that they are vulnerable to believing whatever they are told and may react badly to being told that these relationships are not real or what they are reading isn't fact based.

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If they are unable to spot lies, this creates incredible vulnerability but alongside , it also engenders high levels of loyalty. They will see opposition to or questioning of their identity as 'hate' as this is the narrative that is being spread across the online spaces and also repeated by celebrities and lobbyists and to reject it means being cast out of the community they have found and feel they belong to. This will be very difficult for autistic children and may be a stark reminder of previous bullying and ostracisation.

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Autistic children are often too young and inexperienced to recognise the wider social context in which this movement is taking place. Everything they are told about gender identity is backed up by corporate bodies, public organisations, by schools and education settings and crucially, by each other, either in schools , online or within the fandoms that they often belong to. 

 

What they won't recognise is that online spaces frequently have no adults 'in the room', to ensure that what they are being offered is real and fact based. In other words, the online space has little to no boundaries or safeguarding in place.

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Pornography and relationships

The social landscape that autistic children are inhabiting is more restrictive and also potentially more frightening than at any other time in history, due in large part to the internet. Online access to pornography has provided girls with a window into a potential future that is both frightening and possibly incomprehensible. For boys, it can be equally traumatising to be exposed to pornography, with the expectation that sex will be violent and painful. The porn that children and adolescents are exposed to online is violent and degrading and evidence suggests that it is directly related to an increase in extreme acts demanded by men and increasingly, by teenage boys within their relationships. Understandably, girls are shying away from this and in an environment where the ability to say 'no' to boys isn't something explicitly taught, many girls may find it easier to reject womanhood entirely. 

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The desire to have a relationshis is just as important to autistic children as it is to others, but can often be much more difficult to attain. Because of this, within relationships, autistic children are very vulnerable to pressure and the desire to please so may agree to sexual acts that they may not want, or know how to reject. 

 

Same Sex attraction

 

Autistic rigidity of thinking may well lead girls to believe that if they are attracted to other girls, that this must make them a boy. Boys may believe that an attraction to other boys makes them a girl. This goes hand in hand with a society that is still incredibly homophobic and in which many autistic children may have internalised the idea that being same sex attracted is wrong. In many cases, their parents may believe it is wrong, or peers in school may repeat homophobic ideas they have picked up from their families. In these cases, it may make more sense for autistic children to decide that they are actually 'straight' members of the opposite sex.​

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Rigid Thinking

Autistic children can have a rigidity of thinking that makes it hard to shift their initial ideas and impressions about having a gender identity. It can also make it difficult to listen to an alternative point of view and accept it. This extends to the idea of rules. 

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As gender identity as a concept is very rules based, it is extremely attractive to autistic children. Following rules creates a sense of order in a world that is often confusing and overwhelming so the rigid rules about pronoun use and misgendering, can feel very safe and stabilising. Outside this issue, rigidity of thought around rules can be seen as dogmatic and so autistic children may dominate games and conversations in the playground, so that they can be based around rules that they understand. With gender identity, a rigid adherence to rules is seen as a virtue which is rewarded with increased social currency, which may also be extended to policing other people's observance of pronouns and identities.

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Systemising

Although many associate systemising with boys rather than girls, autistic girls often love systemising and ordering just as much as boys. This usually takes the form of ordering toys, or organising books by alphebetical order or by colour, or organising clothes, furniture or make-up; with gender identity however, both autistic boys and girls are presented with an almost endless list of identities, each with their own differently coloured flag.

 

It can be seductive to read down a long list of gender identities - all of which basically correlate to different facets of human personality - and seeing which ones they relate to. Alongside this, they have alongside, large tables of flags, each in a different combination of colours, which relate to each different identity. The order and geometric design of these flag tables is extremely appealing, both as a system and also from an aesthetic point of view. For children who use systemising and reciting memorised lists as a tool for calming themselves, or for reassurance, this is a whole new set of criteria to memorise, some of which will align with elements of their personality. It gives a whole area to investigate and may well be a way in to a special interest. However, in this case, the  more they investigate, the  more likely they are to end up adopting one of these identities.

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Special Interests

Just as girls are often unrecognised as autistic due to their special interests often seeming unremarkable (film or pop stars, television fandom, make-up, social media) an interest in gender identity may not register as a special interest at all. It is very common for autistic children to spend significant periods of time online, and it can be easy to lose sight of what they are exploring. Once they start engaging with gender identity theories and information online, it can be very easy to move into hyperfocus and a monotropic state of mind and become consumed by investigating nothing else - at least until a later date when a new interest may come along. This can lead to the adoption of a gender identity, as they inevitably become involved in chatrooms and social media conversations; the deeper their investigation, the more they are likely to be pulled in to the community.

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Sensory Issues

Autistic children will usually experience a range of sensory issues , either being over sensitive to sensory input or under sensitive. This can lead to hair and clothing choices designed to mitigate sensory input. Clothing marketed at girls are often made using material with trimmings that can be scratchy and can have numerous buttons or fastenings which can be fiddly and difficult for girls who have fine motor difficulties. Boys may find seams and zips and fastenings just as difficult to manage. 

 

Short hair can be much easier to look after, as brushing hair can be painful and difficult - both sensorially and again, due to difficulties manipulating a hairbrush. Fine motor skills can also make it difficult to use hair accessories such as hair bands and these can also cause sensory issues due to tugging or catching in hair. For all these reasons, it may be much easier for autistic girls to simply have short hair. Boys may prefer the sensory feel of long hair, which schools may disapprove of, or may lead to bullying.

 

Sensory issues may also affect the desire to wear make-up. It can feel heavy or greasy and uncomfortable on the skin or may cause rashes and sensitivity, which themselves trigger sensory issues. Sensory undersensitivity may lead autistic girls to seek out feelings of pressure and the act of wearing a binder creates a significant pressure across the body which autistic girls may find incredibly comforting. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

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